About violence

Bomb with lit fuse

Lots of different things count as violence. Punching, kicking, threats, verbal abuse, destroying someone’s things, or forcing someone to do something sexual. Nobody has the right to do anything violent to you, and it’s never your fault if you are victimized. If you are subjected to any kind of violence, you always have the right to tell someone and get help to stop the violence.

Different kinds of violence

Violence comes in many different forms, and thinking about it like different types of violence can be helpful

  • Physical violence is, for example, hitting, kicking, pinching, biting, scratching, or pushing someone.

  • Psychological violence is, for example, saying mean things, threatening, scaring, or ignoring someone.

  • Sexual violence is, for example, doing sexual acts with someone who doesn’t want to, taking photos or filming someone who doesn’t want to for sexual purposes. Or forcing someone to watch as you do sexual acts with yourself.

  • Material violence is, for example, destroying someone’s things.

  • Economic violence is, for example, having control over someone’s money or not allowing them to have any money at all

 
 

The pyramid of hate

Nobody is a violent person from birth. The way we think about violence is co-dependent on the society we live in and create together. One simplified way of visualising how violence works is to think of violence and abuse as a pyramid. Things that are common and usually viewed as less serious, like saying mean things about someone, are at the bottom of the pyramid.

It might seem innocent, but when the things at the bottom of the pyramid become more and more common, it’s more plausible that the things one level up in the pyramid don’t seem that bad anymore. When mean comments are part of everyday life, shoving or physically hurting someone is not as unthinkable. And when that has been normalised, hitting or kicking someone becomes less unthinkable too. This is why helping each other with speaking up is important when someone says racist or sexist things.

 

When violence starts feeling normal

If a person is subjected to violence or abuse for a long time, it can start feeling like it’s normal to them. This is sometimes called the process of normalisation. It is similar to how the pyramid of hate functions. If someone says mean things about you every day, you might get used to it, to the point where it doesn’t feel strange anymore. You might even start believing that the mean things they say are true, and that you don’t deserve better treatment. And when the abuse gets a little worse, like if the one who’s mean to you starts violently grabbing you, or blocks your way when you want to leave, it might not even seem that bad since you’re already used to them saying mean things. In the end, getting punched or forced to do sexual things against your will might even seem normal, since you’ve slowly gotten used to accepting it as “the way things are”. The abuser is likely going to convince you that they are the only one who wants to be with you, or that you need them in order to take care of yourself.

But it doesn’t have to be that way! Nobody has the right to subject you to any kind of violence. Nobody is allowed to hit you or say mean things about you, perform sexual acts with you against your will, threaten you or destroy your things. It’s never your fault if you are abused, and you’ve always got the right to get help and tell someone about it.

Text by Line Janson, Förenade tjej-, trans- och ungdomsjourer

Translated by Dannie Milve, Färenade tjej-, trans- och ungdomsjourer