Knowing or suspecting that a friend is a victim of violence or something else can be a difficult position to be in. The most important thing you can do is showing them that you are there for them and ready to talk about what’s going on. You can also help your friend tell the police, a teacher, their parents or someone else who can help them end the abuse. If you’ve been told that your friend is the victim of violence, you might also need to talk about it with someone else. You’re always welcome to contact a support group if you need to talk!

How should I act?

One of the most important things you can do for your friend is to keep talking to them and being there for them. Many victims of violence and violations from their family or partner feel lonely and alone. They may not have the courage to speak up about what’s happening, they might not dare to bring home friends, or they might not even be allowed by their family or partner to have friends.

The first step towards being able to speak up and get help is to have someone to talk to. Ask questions if you can and if it feels okay. It’s often easier to talk about difficult things when someone else asks, instead of having to bring it up yourself. For example, you can ask what it’s like at home for your friend, why they haven’t been at school or at an activity. If you notice that they have been hurt or seem sad, you can ask what’s happened.

What can I do?

Listen and care

Just by reading this text, you’ve taken an important step. The fact that you look for ways to help your friend means you care about them, and it’s important for your friend to know that they have someone to talk to. Let your friend know that you are there for them and that you believe them. You can also recommend them to contact a support group listed on this website. The support groups’ purpose is to listen, support and believe you and your friend. You can be completely anonymous when talking to the support groups.

Show what is and isn’t okay

If a person is a victim of violence or violations over a longer period of time, it can start to feel like it’s normal. You can help your friend by letting them know that what’s being done to them isn’t okay. Let your friend know that you can see that they’re hurt or sad, and that it shouldn’t have to be that way. Check what the law and the CRC (Convention on the Rights of the Child) says, and tell your friend if you think that they’re ready to hear it.

Take notes and pictures

It’s good to gather information about what your friend is being subjected to. For example, you can write down the time and date when things happen, and help your friend take pictures if they’ve gotten an injury that is visible. Such pictures and texts are very valuable if your friend wants to report the one who has violated them to the police, or if your friend experiences problems because of what’s been done to them later in life. They might want to report the abuse several years in the future. You can offer to take care of pictures and texts, if it feels okay for you. That way, your friend won’t have to worry about their abuser finding the texts and photos.

Help them speak up

Offer to go with your friend if they want to tell someone about what’s happened to them. If your friend is under 18, a good place to start is telling an adult. Ask your friend if there’s an adult they feel safe with, and offer to go with them to tell that adult. It could be a teacher, an activity leader, a parent or a friend’s parent. If your friend want to report a crime, you can offer to go with them to the police or a lawyer who can help.

If it’s an emergency - call 112

Call 112 if you suspect that your friend is in immediate danger, or talk to a nearby adult who can call 112. If you think that someone is hitting your friend right now, or if your friend has serious injuries that need medical care.

Should I tell someone?

Sometimes, people who suffer abuse are afraid of what can happen if someone is told what happens. They might be afraid that the abuse is going to get worse, or that they are going to lose their relationship with their abuser. Some are afraid of not being allowed to live with their parents anymore if someone is told that their home situation is bad. It can be both difficult and scary for them to speak up about what is being done to them. But anyone who is abused or has a bad home situation deserves help and support. Speaking up about what happens is the first step towards getting help. You can talk to a support group, a parent, teacher, social worker or the police

It’s usually best if the person who is abused gets to decide when and if they’re going to speak up. You can support your friend by showing them that you’ll listen and believe them, and by encouraging them to speak up and offer to come with them. But you also have the right to tell someone, and get help, if what they’ve told you is too big and heavy for you to carry alone. Nobody, not even your best friend, has a right to force you to carry a secret that is too much to handle.

You should always immediately tell someone If you suspect that your friend is in immediate danger, if they are in danger of being taken to another country against their will, or if you are afraid that your friend feels so bad that they are going to hurt themselves or take their life. That way, you can get help to help your friend.

Text av Line Janson, Förenade tjej-, trans- och ungdomsjourer

Translated by Dannie Milve, Förenade tjej-, trans- och ungdomsjourer

Further reading:

Violence

Your rights

The Convention on the Rights of the Child

What happens is I report to the police?